THE PROBLEM WITH HUMANS

Rory found the Doctor sat on the floor, paper clutched in his hands, and a horrified expression on his face.

"Doctor?" he poked the statue like person. "Doctor!" he then shook the totally mad and insane alien (but don't tell Amy he said that or she will never forgive him). "What's wrong?" he shouted as he continued to shake the Doctor. "Hellooooooooooo!"

"What?" The Doctor blinked. "Oi!" he snapped which caused Rory to pause in his shaking. "Oh! Rory the Roman! What are you doing here?"

Rory dropped his hands and stepped away from the Doctor in disbelief.

"I live here."

"Oh right," the Doctor cried out, "yes, of course, Ponds are still here….hello! How can I help you?"

"Are you all right?" Rory asked concerned.

"Yes!" the Doctor exclaimed. "No!" he changed his mind. "Well, no, not really, I had been wondering about something. Big brain me, I can't stop thinking about one thing or the other, and I immediately thought I should do some tests, and well, I…oh dear Rory Pond, the world is doomed."

"What?!" Rory yelped. "Why? What happened? What made you curious?" he was certain that this was entirely the Doctor's fault. Surely if the Doctor was never curious then nothing would have happened.

"One question at the time!" the Doctor scolded (like the hypocrite he is). "Ok, first thing first, your daughter is a very-"

"Just remember she is my daughter and I have a sword," Rory reminded his sort of son in law (Oh God, why is he related to this man?).

"- Very, very beautiful woman," the Doctor backtracked, "but she is….well….a little forceful in her pursuit in my…"

"Yes I know," Rory shuddered delicately, he didn't need the mental images….like at all! "Moving on."

"Right! Well I thought it was weird and I did a test! She had some unnatural hormones-"

"Can it be fixed?" Rory interrupted worriedly.

His daughter had been turned into a time travelling alien. She didn't need even more problems with her biology.

"Let me finish!" the Doctor glared at him but it was a light one that was no bother. Not that dark slightly evil one that he sends to bad people. "And no, it cannot be fixed because it is in her genetic makeup, and then I remembered Amy forced herself on me-"

"It's a very pointy sword and I sharpen it regularly," Rory interrupted quickly.

He didn't need another reminder that his wife had kissed his son in law.

Oh Ew…

"Anyway! I did some tests on you and Amy-"

"You did what?!" Rory yelped.

He was now definitely on the verge of punching the Doctor. He thought they had made it clear to the Doctor about boundaries…

"Let me finish! Jeeze what is with you humans and your need to talk?" the Doctor grumbled away like the hypocrite he was most definitely being. "Anyway with the results I had I realised that all the humans I pick up after the sixteenth century are hornier than usual, and I did tests on all my companions DNA-"

"How?" Rory asked suspiciously. "Do you have all of our DNA on file or have you been sneaking around stealing it, because I don't think any of the girls will be happy if you-"

"Rory!" the Doctor yelped indignantly. "What have I told you about talking to my previous companions?! Rule number one no talking to my previous companions. It is not allowed. Time lines and all that."

"It doesn't affect the time lines," Rory rolled his eyes, "you made that up because you don't like us laughing at you."

Which they have. Repeatedly, and he means repeatedly, sometimes they don't even talk they just glance at one another and burst into giggles.

"NO MEETING PAST COMPANIONS!"

Rory decided not to tell the Doctor that he had plans to have tea with the old gang from UNIT later today. After all if he did not only would his son in law have an aneurysm but he would gate crash the whole thing and make it so incredibly awkward.

It isn't fun when the person you are laughing about is sitting right there.

"Fine," Rory muttered, "but what does this have to do with that paper?"

"I found out all of my companions share one ancestor, just one, he has been their grandfather, their great, great, grandfather, their great, great, great, great, great, gre-"

"Yeah I think I got it," Rory rolled his eyes once more. Jesus Christ did he have moron tattooed on his head or something? "Who is it?"

"Captain Jack Harkness."

"Okay…" Rory mumbled as he stepped away from the Doctor. He had indeed met Jack, as did Amy, and it wasn't that bad, in fact – no don't think about it! The Doctor might find out! "And that means?" he pushed.

"Don't lie to me Rory!" the Doctor snapped. Damnit! "I know everything."

Rory snorted. If the Doctor knew everything then Rory was secretly a ballerina in an alien ballet company. "Fine! I know Jack is sex on legs but what does that have to do with everything?"

"Don't you ever think?" the Doctor asked exasperated with Rory. Rory was fairly certain that the Doctor had absolutely no right to be exasperated with Rory. Only Rory had the right to be exasperated and definitely with the Doctor. "It means, all those pheromones and sex hormones Jack has is being spread across humanity, and all the humans getting together, means the next generation has a stronger dose, and then the next, and the next, until…." He shuddered.

"Until?"

"Until Jack Harkness is born, and therefore it is a paradox! A paradox I created by inviting the bugger on my ship, and I only invited him because Rose asked!"

"Uhuh…and why did you do what Rose asked?"

Because the Doctor rarely did something someone asked to. Trust him, Rory tried! He once asked the Doctor to wash the dishes and they were probably gathering mould in a different time era. He once asked the Doctor to save an innocent race of aliens and….well that wasn't something he wanted to think about.

He even had difficulty getting the Doctor to save Amy sometimes, and the Doctor loved Amy! Certainly more than he loved Rory (and no he wasn't resentful! Okay maybe just a tad but it means nothing!).

So he wanted to know why exactly the Doctor did what Rose asked him of especially since it caused such a problem.

"Erm…well….because….."

And then it all became clear to Rory. It turns out the Doctor is most definitely a hypocrite, and because of that, he smirked at his wife's best friend/son in law.

"You wanted to get into her pants?"

"Don't be so crude!" the Doctor flushed a bright pink. "But yes, that was the general gist of things."

"So it's not just a human problem then?"

"Oh….Shut up, Rory."

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