FRAGMENTS OF A DYNASTY
Summary: Elizabeth is finding those first few months as Queen to be overwhelming. Inspired by bits of The Virgin Lover by Philippa Gregory. Pairings: implied Robert/Elizabeth, hint of parental Cecil/Elizabeth. She did not know how to feel. After the relief of no longer having to fear for her life had died down she felt empty. How was she supposed to feel? Sad, depressed, and lonely because her sister is now dead? Or happy, excited, and victorious because she was now Queen? Should she feel a dignified regal-ness as many expect her to? Is she supposed to suddenly feel Queenly? All she felt was a numb empty feeling as she allowed these lords and bishops kiss her hand and call her 'Your Majesty'. She felt the small spark of fear when she returned to the Tower and exhilaration and happiness when the crowds cheer for her. She did not feel this holy moment, this serene knowledge, this power, the crown and sceptre was supposed to give you during your coronation. She did not know how to feel about suddenly being the centre of this poisonous web called the Court. She just knew she would give anything to know what her mothers, father, brother, and sister thought of her now. She did not know what to think. Well she did. She knew her mind well. She knew she was a Protestant, that she was for the English to have supreme power, and that she did not want to marry (though as she glances at the dark and handsome Robert Dudley she wavers just a little on that thought). But she had to please her people, many were Catholic, many wanted her to make alliances and appease the European nations, and all of them wanted her to marry. So she came across uncertain to her councillors. She came across unfeeling some of the time to everyone. While inside her head there was war going on with many thoughts, feelings, and pieces of knowledge learnt from the cradle. She did not know what to do, or feel, or think and she feel as if she is drowning in everything. She cries on Cecil's shoulder one night when war with France is declared. She is just too overwhelmed. She did not the true curse of being a monarch until now. She needs to learn quickly before it's too late. She needs to be decisive before it's too late. She needs to suppress her emotions before they rule her head and it'll be too late to save her and England. She wonders if this is what her sister, brother, and father felt as well. It is all overwhelming.
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